Dear 16 year old girls of the world, particularly those who frequent aeroplanes. Hi there, only me, the has-been, perhaps the one you’d now call a “lady”. Just thought I’d let you know, from female to female, ex 16 y/o to current 16 y/o, that we hate you. You’ll be comforted to know I’m not using one bad example to judge you all, I’m blessed with a significant sample of 45 of you. Yes that includes you Tourist 1, Tourist 2, Rae Rae, Voldemort, Potter and Tupper to name a few.
Despite this searing hatred for each and every one of you, I must pass on a thank you. I am now more grateful than ever to not be 16. After finding myself trapped in what only could be described as the girls toilets at my secondary school, I realise how horrifying teenage girls really are. I’ve got to hand it to you though Rae Rae, you don’t half glow when you chair the board of bitches to discuss how Shaun The Sheep is faking being on medication. I applaud you.
I’d like to throw in there that the family that stole my seat, I hope you were comfy. Lord knows I wasn’t, what with being plonked next to the finest example of a French couple. You represented your country well with excessive use of your light, the elbow in my side and the dropping of my own coat on my head. Thanks mate, putain indeed.
I’d like to finish this with what I hope for you to find, a solid tip. If you are to ever be jammed tight in a situation not dissimilar to mine, don’t try and laugh about it with British Airways cabin crew. Trust me on this one.
P.S. Black Patty, you really shouldn’t compare your temperature to those, and believe me I’m quoting here, “Jew chambers” in public, anywhere. Ever.
Image thanks go to Kamshots.